End a conversation

May 11

Many people give subtle non-verbal cues when they want to end a conversation and end up frustrated that the “other person just didn’t get it,” maybe saying “I couldn’t get away.” Here are some of the many ways to be direct and clear when ending a conversation, while also maintaining your connection with the other person.

First, the don’ts

Don’t expect that any of these non-verbal messages will be received in the way you intend:

Checking your phone
Looking at your watch
Acting distracted / focusing on things other than the person
Packing up your things / preparing to leave
Standing up
Fiddling or shifting your weight from one foot to the other
Working on other things while someone is talking
Etc.

Many people will interpret your behavior, not as a sign that you have other needs to attend to at the moment, but that you’re rude, condescending, or worse.

Remember that it’s the responsibility of the message sender to ensure that the message was received and understood the way it was intended.

Many options

There are endless ways to end a conversation clearly and confidently. The key is to signal that even though you’re ending the conversation, you still care about them. This can be done through a combination of your words and tone. Here are some techniques:

Summarize the conversation: “Well, it sounds like you…” or “I’m really sorry to hear about…..”
Use closing pleasantries (in the past tense): “It sure was nice talking to you!” or “It was great catching up…” or “Keep me updated!”

And if they’re not getting it, you can be more direct with:

Statements of departure: “I need to get going...” or “I have somewhere else to be” or “I have a meeting to get to...”
Reference other tasks: “I’ve got a lot of work piling up!” or “I need to get back to work.” or “I have a big project that needs my attention.”

And if they’re still not getting, be direct while letting them know that you care about them:

Make plans to meet/talk later: “I need to get going, but can we talk later?” or “I have to cut this short, but let’s meet for coffee tomorrow so you can finish your story.” or “Can I call you later to pick up where we left off?”
Indicate interest: “This sounds interesting, and I want to hear more, but I have to…”

If you do this last step with a vague, “let’s get together soon” and a fake smile, it may come off as disingenuous.

The old “walk them to the door” trick

I know this technique because it was once used on me.

As a junior writer, I was in an executive's office, blabbing on and on about a grant I was writing. He stood up, smiled, maintaining eye contact, and nodded his head in a way that indicated he wanted me to walk with him.

He continued talking to me, remaining interested in what I was saying as we walked through the office back to my desk. When we arrived, he said, Dan, it was great talking to you. Thanks for the update, I have to get back to work. Then he turned and walked back to his office.

I sat back down at my desk and went to work. It wasn’t until later that I realized how masterfully he did that.