Calling in vs. out

When we call people out, we alienate, isolate, and separate.

“Dan, you haven’t said anything this entire meeting. You’re awfully quiet.”

When we use “you” in this way, it affects people’s perception of how they fit in.

Instead, try calling someone in.

“Dan, I would appreciate your perspective. What do you think?”

Same question, different effect.

When to call someone out?

There are times to call someone out, such as when some accountability is required.

Calling out can be used to hold teammates accountable so they maintain a standard, or do what they said they would, or do anything else that would hurt the team.

One of those times is if someone says or does something hurtful or offensive (even if they’re not aware).

Here are some phrases you can use to call someone out with the intent of keeping dialogue open:

• I need to stop you right there.

• I’m having a strong reaction to what you just said.

• I need to push back against that.

• I don’t see it that way.

• I don’t find that funny.

• I wonder if you’ve considered the impact of your words.

• Do you want to think this through and talk about it later?

• I have to tell you how that comment landed with me.

• That’s not our culture/values here.

Calling out doesn’t have to shut down communication.